Friday, October 22, 2004

Vanity: a t-girl's best or worst friend?

Why do we t-girls (and many non-t's as well) like looking at ourselves and paying so much attention to how we look, so much? For myself, I think it is a love of the female form in general, and also a symptom of my elevated self-confidence when dressed. And also, from the t-girl perspective, I have lived my whole life with one set of looks and so when I dress and take on a completely different set of looks, its like a taste of freedom - I keep wanting more.

Do I probably pay too much attention to such an ephemeral thing as outward appearance? No doubt. Oh well, we have to pay attention to something, don't we? So why not look good doing it?!

I also get this general sense from some boys who I chat with that they view anyone like me that dresses so completely and sexily as a woman as primarily driven by a need to attract men. While perhaps that does play a part (it is a basic sense of validation as a woman afterall), it is not the driving factor. They seem shocked (and actually not convinced) that I am only attracted to women sexually. Why is that? Is a lesbian who dresses sexy really trying to attract a man? I would argue they are just being who they want to be, regardless of sexual orientation. Just because the social norm says that sexy female appearance (a) = panting men (b), that does not mean that the root of a is caused by b. I want a woman who is attracted to my male and female sides - one who herslef looks good, but who can also look past appearance and get to know me as a person. Is that asking too much?

But then again, I do have a bit of sexual confusion/ambiguity at this juncture in my life, as I consider going further into womanhood. Am I attracted to men?: Not as a rule. Might that change as I delve further into womanhood and meet the right person? I don't know, it's certainly not out of the question. I tend to look more at character, personality, rather than gender. While I certainly like good-lloking people more, I try not to dismiss people based on their looks.

My basic argument is that we shouldn't be bogged down by sexual labels. I will base any relationship, whether sexual or not, on my rapport with the individual. Looks will always play a part, but will not direct all actions. In some ways my t-girl vanity, my heightened sense of self, is a part of who I am, but it does not define me in any source way. I would prefer to be known as that great looking babe who has a sense of humbleness and humor... :-)

Thursday, October 14, 2004

our tax dollars at work (suppressing dissent)

Here is the link to the full story:

From what I can tell, the US Secret Service spent dozens or more man-hours and probably thousands of dollars investigating a 17 year old kid who put an amusing bumper sticker on his car because some close-minded republican neighbor felt like being vindictive.

And the worst part is how they go about it - even after they met the kid and it was obvious that he was no threat to anyone anywhere, they continued to intimidate him, ask personal, unrelated probing questions, and deny him his right to free speech.

This is how those in power stay in power folks. This type of authoritative behavior is how Saddam, Stalin, Pinochet and Castro stayed in power for so long...

Saturday, October 09, 2004

truth addendum (war drum beat)

truth is a tricky, slippery thing isn't it? I froth at the mouth about truth sometimes but avoid its penetrating gaze myself too often. These are pages of self-medication only.

granularity grasped too tightly the loosest anger grip
and strings of pearls of perfect angularity surround him
a grain with a brain and a planet to practice on infinitem
at some point every crooked deal feels straighter
than the ring around the equator that holds it in

useless mines (Ares oil bubbles)
I obsess about possible explosions
the feeling of stepping on all these mines past lain
I worry about little limbs and original thought slaughtered
and strewn about about another man's war.
I have no real vision of such a realm
but through pixel-pixie magic and instinctual fear
of what depths we will delve in search of the next vein injection
the burning bush intones in dietic diplomacy
no power but for that the blind believing masses bestow upon him.
Hope and a prayer and mass communication
the weapons of mass destruction too slow-acting to notice.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

secrecy is only fear in another guise

It's simple really:
secrecy = fear
Whether it's an individual keeping a secret from another individual or a government keeping secrets from its citizens, secrecy always seems to be based in fear, in the negative. Even when a secret is kept in the name of security or to keep someone from being hurt - what is the underlying reason for that decision to withhold that information?

I would argue that it is fear; fear of how others might react to knowing the same information you know. In other words - not trusting those you are keeping the secret from. When a government keeps so many secrets from its citizens - what does that say about how the government views its citizens - it doesn't trust them. And in my view - that is the first step towards the death of democracy - which absolutely requires all citizens to be fully informed about what the government is doing in its name.

End result: sad to say - and I will probably get flamed for this statement: the US is no longer a true representative democracy (and not just because of the way-too-secretive actions of the Bush administration - although that doesn't help). In many ways today, we seem to instead have some kind of military-corporate-imperialist oligarchy that has mastered the art of appearing as a democracy. Political power, media manipulation and bullying, the ability to carve up constituencies to suit those in power, and the near blatent control of the two-party system by corporate and other large financial interests has rendered the notion of democracy "of and for the people" rather meaningless at this point.

The solution? I don't have any easy solution - but I think if more people took more time and effort to get real facts, get as much un-biased information as is possible in the information jungle of bias that exists out there, and only support and vote for those who speak the truth, we would be a lot better off. I know - I'm speaking of some utopian dream here, but realty often begins with a dream, doesn't it...