Monday, July 25, 2005

Living it up

Haven't been posting much lately primarily because I've been doing my best to get out there in the wide world and live life and have some fun in the sun. Spent the last couple weekends up at the lake working on my tan - it's looking deep now...:-)

Couple events/milestones worth mentioning (or not):

  1. Met up with my old softball squad at the usual thursday night after-game meeting place; a small-town drinking hole named "Good Times." And when I say old squad, I don't just mean I no longer play for them - these guys are all old geezers (but very cool, very fun ones) - besides my friend Drew who has me by only a few months in our early 30's, the rest of the team are all in their 50's and above! They knew about my transition, but hadn't seen me yet. So I headed over and met up with them. They bought me drinks, hugged me and were generally super-nice. That felt really, really good! They even tried to get me to play again - evidently my replacement in right-center isn't quite as good a fielder as me...heehee
  2. My parents, now that they're primarily seeing me as a woman, are coming around with the use of my proper name, pronouns, etc. It will still take time - longer than I would wish for, I know, but they're getting there. But my mom and I got in a little fight yesterday on the beach when she started commenting on the way I dress. She said I didn't dress appropriately for my age - to which I replied: "So fucking what?" So I like short skirts and like to wear a bikini at the beach! No one cares.
  3. Anyways, my aunt and uncle and their three kids are coming up in a couple weeks and she was worried that my dressing style might put them off a little since they only have known me as a boy. I know she loves me and could see her point to a degree, but we just disagree on this in principle. I took it (albeit I was a bit moody that afternoon) as an affront to my whole being and sense of style (and in effect telling me how I should or should not express myself) that she would criticize me like that. Now feeling self-conscious for no real reason, and after promising I would tone things down when my relatives arrived, I left in a bit of a snit and cried for a while in the car ride home. I know - such a minor thing to get upset about - but at the time (I've gotten over it) I took it hard because it was the first time my mom had openly criticized me like that.

I will keep trying to put stuff in here, but entries may be a little lighter than usual for the next month or so - lots of things happening! So get out there and enjoy nature and all her sublime diversity!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

doubt dashed against a light wave of sound

Just climaxed with my first marathon guitar session – close to 2 hours. My fingers on my right hand are having trouble at the moment finding their proper keys – this nebulous world of words is a different scale - less sensual. I didn’t want to put it down – afraid I might forget all that had flowed into my hands in that long moment of playing something of my own. I’m sure it was derived directly from some blues riff I’ve heard buried in some song somewhere forgotten for the moment. It kept flowing through me. At one point I stopped and realized I was sweating and had a perma-smile grin pasted to my face. Never had I shown but an inkling that I could even make the most rudimentary pleasant sounds and now I was strumming a rapidly confident fast-as-fire old-time boogie! So I’m here for the moment waiting and heading quick back to see if the sound remains the same…

[massive props to my friend Toni for the loan of the axe!!!]

Friday, July 08, 2005

almost completely out of the closet + adventure update

Well, the meetings on wednesday with my co-workers (about 40 of them total) went smoothly. Everyone was very receptive and supportive and really appreciated my candor and honesty. Some have even started calling me Dana already. Even though I don't really see it that way, people keep saying how courageous I was in doing it - to me it was just something that had to be done. Anyways, it felt wonderfully freeing to have that burden lifted from my shoulders!!! There's a new bounce to my step while at work. I really am blessed to have such awesome colleagues and a supportive work environment.

The final piece of the "climbing-out-of-the-closet" puzzle will come very soon - telling my grandmother. We're moving her into an assisted-living place this weekend as she can't walk anymore and also broke her shoulder. Hopefully, after she's settled in, me and my mom can sit down with her and explain things.

It will be so fucking amazing to dress how and when I want. Of course, I'm still not dressing fully at work until like December (need time to get more laser and work on my figure anyways and I will start mixing in more subtley femme items soon), but in the meantime I can dress freely any other time!

Even though I knew this would happen: the funny thing is I don't feel as much a desire to vamp things up anymore. I guess I've outgrown that stage in my development or something. More and more, I am changing my wardrobe to everyday (but still hopefully cute and sexy) clothes. I will never be a drab dresser, I can assure you of that, but the super-flambouyant, super high-heel, over-the-top look for me is dying a welcome death...

In other news...this past weekend my fave girlfriends Angela and Toni came to visit again. We enjoyed lots of beer, sun, swimming, good food (Toni made her delish eggplant veggie lasagna), jello shots, campfire songs, and even some skinny dipping! The fireworks over Sacandaga Lake near my camp however, sucked. I think because people were saving their big stuff for Monday. I also drunkenly took a hard spill on the shore rocks that night and put a gash on my leg about 8 inches long. But I spent the entire weekend dressed, got a light bikini tan, and my camp neighbors were super supportive when they saw me! Overall - an awesome weekend....

'til next time, keep your eyes thinking and your mind seeing!