Friday, January 19, 2007

kill the penis!

This past saturday was the momentous festive occasion we dubbed "Farewell to Dana's Dingle." Jenn had the foresight to order a uniquely shaped pinata and she also baked a similarly formed cake. I invited my friends and colleagues from our local LGBT center, The Bridge, and fun was had by all. I am still in awe of the kindness and best wishes that everyone flung my way and I am so thankful to them all.

Perhaps the highlight of the evening was in the ceremonial "flogging of the penis." I broke out my long dusty, but still trusty wiffleball bat and each person in turn donned a blindfold, was spun around several times and got three swings at the strung-up 4 foot long monstrosity. I hit leadoff but whiffed three times. Luckily however, the paper-mache artiste who crafted our toy did such a good job that it survived about a dozen good hits and several falls to the floor. We then switched to the T-ball format and stood the idol up on one of my stools.

So then it came back to me and I had a brief moment of revelry as I relived the one year from the early 1980's Invitational Neighborhood Geyser Crest Longley Whiffleball League where I dominated the stats as a switch-hitting phenom. My first swing was a solid hit but resulted in only a small dent. However, my second swing beheaded the foul monster, revealing the prizes held within - cheap candy and gum and toys of various kinds. Wow - that felt fucking good to my estrogen-less, testosterone-flooded mind!!!

The rest of the party was filled with pool and lots of beer and good conversation. Emmitt, at our prompting viciously finished off the remains of the penis carcass after everyone left - tearing the member apart. I have a feeling he had been looking forward to such a frenzy for a long time now...

Some pics:

Me posing with the member I always never wanted and certainly never had delusions I was "large."

A decent view of the tasty cake Jenn baked...

At first, Emmitt got the wrong idea of what the theme of the party was...

Finally, after pointing out to him that this was what was responsible for the creation of all postal employees in the world, he goes in for the kill with teeth bared.

This is the doggie equivalent of having a smoke after great sex...

Monday, January 15, 2007

a menopause in the hormone wars

We are now in day 14 of the last official cease fire in the hormone wars. Since the 'mones can cause blood complications, I had to cease taking all of them (as well as most aspirin or related medicines) starting Jan. 2nd; 3 weeks before my surgery date. I am most definately feeling the effects, although the symptoms are very hard to describe and they vary wildly, sometimes hour to hour.

Mostly I feel detached. Not exactly numb, but apart from my body, like the real me is floating around inside this weird, robotic body and I am only receiving shitty AM mono reception about what's going on on the outside. This has then led into the realm of self-doubt, especially about how I look and dress. I'm seeing darker hairs on my face and arms and a deeper voice where once not so long ago I was able to deal with those mostly unwanted but inevitable aspects of my life. And while it is true that since the spiro is a diuretic (I'm sure I've misspelled that, but it basically means it increases the processing and excretion of water and salts) and I have undergone some subtle physical alterations (more distinct bags under the eyes in the morning, fatter ankles and a general feeling of being bloated), in reality I know most of these things haven't really changed much if at all in these 2 long weeks.

On the other side of the battlefield lie the emotional effects. My sex drive has turned schizophrenic. Previously I was horny pretty much 24/7; turned on by the lightest touch (or thought) of my girlfriend or the slightest hint of a sex scene on "The L Word." Now it's more like some bratty kid has the remote and is constantly flipping through a selection of familiar but somehow more intensely programmed channels at breakneck speeds. One second I'm fucking burning up and needing to be fucked and dominated and the next I feel like my skin is crawling and I want to tear a rip in space-time and be in Montreal fucking now, goddammit, NOW! and the moment after that I feel (to steal a line from those masters of Nirvana-esque rock, STP) completely dead and bloated and unable to concentrate on anything.

But luckily those rapid rollercoasters of the mind are always stopped dead in their tracks when I look into Jenn's slate-blue eyes or feel her arms around me as we spoon-doze in bed. Everything else falls away at those moments and there is nothing else that matters. I have found my soulmate and she hers and all is right and true in the universe. And knowing that a major step in my transition is about to be taken, one that was literally unthinkable for the first thirty-odd years of my life, at least until I somehow saw the light only 3 short years ago, helps too! :-)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

cat got our tongues: cat turned blue

Blue ribbon to anyone who can tell me how we got these...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

divertissement delight

For the holidays, I got mi amour some front-row tickets to the NYC ballet - Sleeping Beauty to be exact. So this past weekend we got all gussied up and headed over to the Lincoln Center. Jenn wore a sexy black suit with short-heeled boots and I decided on a little black lacy dress with flats. The hem line fell a bit above the knees, which I was self-conscious about all

Here are some pics of us:

On the subway over I could feel the stares of a couple of the men - my legs were a bit conspicuous! Lincoln Center, which I had never been to was very cool. In the corner where they had a mini-park area hung these pretty white star-like lights strung up amongst the trees - each star piece was put together by hand, a string of lights wound around some sticks. It was cold out though (despite it being in the 70's earlier that day!) so we headed in quickly. Our seats were excellent; front row, center-right. The orchestra was down in a veil-covered pit just in front of us and we were positioned right in front of the big tympanic drums. It was weird though as to our left was the conductor - only his head and ocassionally his frenetic wand sticking out through a hole in the veil.

Not being a ballet fan per se and having never before experienced it, I do have to admit to liking the production. The performers and sets and music were all excellent. This was a big, ornate performance, too - using majestic set pieces (including a huge, moving boat) and dozens of peformers at some points. The costumes of the many side characters who made up the royal court were extravagent and shiny and elegant and the dancers were all top notch, especially the girls playing the main Fairy and Cinderella herself. It was amazing to see both what some of these individual ballerinas could do as well as the choreography of the routines that involved dozens of people intermingling all at once, several incorporating kids that looked as young as 6! I had no idea the ballerinas spent so much time on point! They literally had their entire body weight on them for long stretches and in adidtion were doing amazing acrobatic and smoothly beautiful maneuvers.

The whole thing was a bit long for me, coming in at around 2.25 hours, counting the intermission, but the fact that I was off my hormones and feeling like shit probably fed this. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and may even allow Jenn to drag me out to Swan Lake sometime once we have time to save up for the steep ticket prices (although it must be said cheaper than most Broadway shows).

Friday, January 05, 2007

the art of not knowing when enough is enough

Ahhh - this time I think (read: HOPE!!!!) ol' GW has gone too far (for the 69th time!!!). In addition to his current superhero powers of listening in on our phone calls and e-mails, and being able to detain us indefinately on nothing but his word, and being able to use "tough interrogation techniques" on us, and being able to ignore any laws of the land he so desires with a simple signing statement, and being able to ignore all reality no matter what the body count, he now claims the right to read our snail mail too!:

Here's a list of other signoing statements he has released which in effect claim he can ignore parts of the law he is signing:

Can you say: I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T, kids? Don't let this bozo destroy any more of our liberties!
[can you tell I'm off my meds? LOL]