This blog going dark

Folks,

I maintain several blogs and have decided I need to reduce the number. So as of today, this blog will no longer be maintained. However, I'll be posting personal stuff on my previously (and still mostly) librarian-focused blog, which will take over the title of The Disobedient Librarian.

Thanks to all who've read my travails over the past years and hope to see you over at my other blog.

Peace out.

Discrimination or Terrible Customer Service?

I've had a bad enough experience with this, that I need to rant about it on this blog:

I've been trying to get an appointment to see my endocrinologist (the only one in the Albany area with expertise in trans hormone issues) since last October! Here is a little chronology on my so far unsuccessful quest:

1. Summer 2009: make next appointment for May 26, 2010 
2. October 2009: call to try and get an earlier appointment to discuss an adjustment to my hormones: am told schedule is completely booked (all days and times) up through June 2010.
3. Early May: get call that my appointment needs to be rescheduled - set it for June 2
4. June 2: arrive in office and am told my appointment was canceled and they were unable to get a hold of me (I did switch phones in mid-May, but they have my office number, which did not change). Attempt to reschedule - women notes that trans people are now restricted to "Transgender Tuesday" (her words, not mine) appointments now. I am tempted to say "how would you feel if your doctor said African-Americans, or women, could only make appointments one day of the week?" But I don't, and make an appointment for June 22nd - she says she has to confirm this and will contact me. I update my phone number with the person.
5. June 9: never heard back from them, so I call to confirm appointment. They say there is nothing in the calendar on it. They say "Mary," the doctor's nurse, will call me back to confirm. I ask about the "Tuesday only" policy and the woman states it's just the policy, she doesn't know why.
6. June 11: never got a call back, so I call again. They say they have to wait until the doctor opens his summer schedule to book my appointment and that "Mary" will call me "within a month." I again ask about the Tuesday policy thing; am told same thing: "I don't know."

So, yeah, a giant WTF here. I'm sort of stuck with this guy (who in the past has been a bit cold, but is generally ok). I really want to march over there and find out what is up with this seemingly discriminatory "Transgender Tuesdays" policy. What could be the reasoning behind it? To keep us away from the "normal" patients? This is bat-shit fucking crazy and, as you can probably tell by this point, I'm a bit miffed about it.

Juggling Foci

My computer crib

 

Yep, still here! I've been thinking a lot lately about addictions. Not in the strictly negative medical or psychological sense, but more in the sense of focus and lack of or need for variety and change. After all, we all have "addictions" of one kind or another, whether it takes the form of eating certain foods, watching television, gossiping, working out or just plain working, clothes shopping (shoes!!!), or even something as innocuous as needing air-conditioning to feel comfortable, or using only a certain brand of toothpaste or shampoo. In some cases this is due to comfort; we know what works or what feels good, so we stick with it. Fear of the unknown obviously plays into this as well.

I have, to a good degree, an addictive personality. At the same time I have always had a strong drive for variety. This plays out, for example, in my video game "focus." I love playing video games, but tend to fairly quickly  get bored with any one game, usually long before beating it.

As a result I often feel torn between these often conflicting personality traits.

This sense is also being played out in my mind with the whole trans thing. Bear with me on this - I am not, nor ever will be going stealth or turning my back on my own community. But on one hand, for the most part recently, I've been pursuing my life as a librarian without much focus on my trans-ness. It's been somewhat comfortable and has been my focus. On the other, I totally miss (and perhaps need?) that close sense of community I feel most acutely when more active in the TG community; when I have regular contact with friends in the community, fractured though that community may be.

Of course, my still lingering social shyness/ineptitude plays into this. As does my inability to juggle/maintain too many social conversations at once. My focus on my career is slowly paying off and my contacts within the wonderful library community are growing and have been very rewarding. I guess I'm saying I want that same sense of belonging and purpose from the equally wonderful TG community. But I know the only way I'll get it is by shifting my focus and going out and seeking and maintaining those connections. I'm going to try, but please don't judge me if I'm slow in doing it. Change comes naturally, but slowly, for me.