I've been thinking a lot lately about sexuality and gender and how what these are can be very fluid and environment-dependent, especially for t-girls such as myself. Is someone who is bi just unable to make up their mind or are they simply taking advantage of the variety available in life? The same could be said on the gender side about us t-girls. Myself, I am basically only interested in women, but I do have this latent attraction to beautiful t-girls. I know I have no interest in men, but the idea of a transsexual seems to interest me sometimes. What I haven't straightened out in my mind yet is if this attraction is more that I want to be with a transsexual or actually "become" a transsexual, or even just a reaction to my recent failures to find a real woman who can accept me...
The idea of transitioning towards more full femininity intrigues and excites me. I definately have leanings that way. But I also do enjoy my male side. I guess I have to figure out if I can/want to continue to have 2 separate selves (male/female) or if it would be possible to merge the 2 into a viable, happy female self. I have to say at this moment that I am strongly leaning towards the transition path. Not sure if that is simply a withdrawal symptom because I haven't dressed in a couple months or if those feelings run deeper... to be continued...
Friday, July 30, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Bush campaign plays on instinctual fear of death
Go read this article about a study of the fear of death and peoples subsequent leadership preferences. Here is a snippet:
"The volunteers were aged from 18 into their 50s and described themselves as ranging from liberal to deeply conservative. No matter what a person's political conviction, thinking about death made them tend to favor Bush, Solomon said. Otherwise, they preferred Kerry.
"I think this should concern anybody," Solomon said. "If I was speaking lightly, I would say that people in their, quote, right minds, unquote, don't care much for President Bush and his policies in Iraq."
He wants voters to be aware of psychological pressures and how they are used."
Link: http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=scienceNews&storyID=5815889&pageNumber=1
Now think about the, I admit possibly paranoid possibility, that Bush and Co. might stage an aborted terror threat (they would just have to stage a threat) during their own convention to drum up support for their war mongering policies and sway viewers to perceive their own speeches in a better light.
Buit even barring that possibility look back at how many times the Bush campaign and administration uses the fear of terrorism to jam through any corporate or conservative-friendly legislation or regulation they can. They conveniently announce arrests and threat warnings at crucial times. They constantly hammer the point that their endless "war on terrorism" needs Bush at its head. How else would the civil-liberties-suppressing Patriot Act have ever come into reality?
On a side note, the weird thing about this Reuters article is that the scientist qouted in it works in a college in my own hometown!
"The volunteers were aged from 18 into their 50s and described themselves as ranging from liberal to deeply conservative. No matter what a person's political conviction, thinking about death made them tend to favor Bush, Solomon said. Otherwise, they preferred Kerry.
"I think this should concern anybody," Solomon said. "If I was speaking lightly, I would say that people in their, quote, right minds, unquote, don't care much for President Bush and his policies in Iraq."
He wants voters to be aware of psychological pressures and how they are used."
Link: http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=scienceNews&storyID=5815889&pageNumber=1
Now think about the, I admit possibly paranoid possibility, that Bush and Co. might stage an aborted terror threat (they would just have to stage a threat) during their own convention to drum up support for their war mongering policies and sway viewers to perceive their own speeches in a better light.
Buit even barring that possibility look back at how many times the Bush campaign and administration uses the fear of terrorism to jam through any corporate or conservative-friendly legislation or regulation they can. They conveniently announce arrests and threat warnings at crucial times. They constantly hammer the point that their endless "war on terrorism" needs Bush at its head. How else would the civil-liberties-suppressing Patriot Act have ever come into reality?
On a side note, the weird thing about this Reuters article is that the scientist qouted in it works in a college in my own hometown!
Friday, July 23, 2004
the freedom of the great outdoors
My new digs rock! Nothing but fields and farm lands behind me and the Hudson river across the street (behind an empty house being renovated). The ability to walk out my door and wander barefoot into these beautiful fields so full of insect and avian life just blows me away every time I do it. Almost no trace of mankind and their ugly concrete constructs out there! Should be even more breathtaking come fall.
My doggie loves it - tons of room to sniff and wander and lots of tall grass to snooze amongst. Gotta get a hammock...
My doggie loves it - tons of room to sniff and wander and lots of tall grass to snooze amongst. Gotta get a hammock...
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
first-hand accounts of modern day McCarthyism
Check out this site, part the The Progressive - the often first-hand accounts of run ins with overzealous or just outright vindictive authorities there shine a light on just how fucked up and closer to the point of destroying civil liberties and the freedom of expression we are getting as a nation these days:
http://www.progressive.org/mcwatch03/mcwatch03.html
Dana
http://www.progressive.org/mcwatch03/mcwatch03.html
Dana
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Dana is moving!
I am just now starting the process of packing up all my stuff and moving to my first home! Lots more closet space and room for my sweetie dog Emmitt to wander in (and lots more yard to mow!) so I may only post sporadically for the next week or so if anyone out there is even reading this.
Some articles of interest to the politically minded:
Bush and Co. headed to defeat on exclusionary amendment:
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml;jsessionid=QNI2UHOG2CE0WCRBAEZSFFA?type=topNews&storyID=5660789
Fox News bias:
http://www.truthout.org/docs_04/071404L.shtml
Run-in with the Man at 9-11 screening:
http://babelogue.citypages.com:8080/ecassel/2004/07/05
Liberal Media compares the candidates:
http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=17231
Some articles of interest to the politically minded:
Bush and Co. headed to defeat on exclusionary amendment:
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml;jsessionid=QNI2UHOG2CE0WCRBAEZSFFA?type=topNews&storyID=5660789
Fox News bias:
http://www.truthout.org/docs_04/071404L.shtml
Run-in with the Man at 9-11 screening:
http://babelogue.citypages.com:8080/ecassel/2004/07/05
Liberal Media compares the candidates:
http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=17231
Monday, July 12, 2004
Fear and Loathing in the Land of Plenty
Fear is the anticipation, perception or sensation of danger, known or unknown. It is a survival instinct rooted in the prehistoric genetic code of all biological life in one form or another, back not so long ago really, when survival was all our brains were programmed for or even had to think about. The problem is that the kinds of dangers that most humans face these days are not physical in nature, but instead based on perceived dangers to cultural, social and or psychological states of being. As a result, the instinct to sense fear and hence to act based on this sense of danger is removed from its initial, instinctual purpose.
Combine this with the current American culture of over dependence on and attachment to physical possessions, abundance and mass media technologies, and you end up with a citizenry ripe to be ruled by fear. In turn, fear comes to be expressed as a shared group emotion rather than an individual one. It is in these times that civil liberties, individual expression and peace become endangered. A sort of "group-think" based on fear (and often then morphing into a perception of "us versus them" hatred) then arises.
Similar events occurred with the fall of the ancient Greek and Roman democratic institutions. Corruption, decadence, fear of losing those possessions and comforts, and political manipulation of these fears by individual monied interests resulted in a voluntary, systematic dismantling of the very democratic institutions their societies were built on. These first, great democratic institutions then evolved into autocratic and or dictatorial systems and which are embodied in the still popular histories of the Roman Emperors (after all, which would you rather read about – the exploits of mythic heroism and sacrifice in war or a recounting of the dry debates of a representative legislature).
And I guess that last bit feeds into another reasoning for our current situation: peace, democracy and the resulting slow pace of societal change are at root boring. We all have some residual violent instincts within us that must be fed every once in a while, like a dog that has to chew a bone to quell the instinctual desire to hunt and kill, whether through individual or collective action. And today here in the US, this collective hatred and intolerance is more and more of a social/cultural bent – i.e., the right-wing exclusionary drives to ban gay marriage, evolution and abortion (and anything else that isn't mentioned in the bible or the NRA handbook), the seemingly endless wars on terrorism and drugs, and the left-wing's outright hatred for Bush and co. (and I am solidly in on this latter one although I hope not as vehemently and as based in pure hatred as others!).
In this respect, I have some hope. History is cyclical and so this intense period of hatred and intolerance is due to go away eventually (and more quickly if everyone lends a hand to change our leadership!). It takes a collective effort to change things on such a grand scale and collective action begins with individual action, whether that takes the form of peaceful protests, volunteering, writing a letter to the editor, or just talking calmly and intelligently with those around you about these issues.
On a personal note: I see fear as such a massively pervasive factor in the transgender world. There are thousands and thousands of people out there living in such pure terror of expressing their true selves that in a sense they are really no longer living. I know, because until last year I was one of those people! I can't tell you how utterly freeing and exhilarating it is to walk out of such a deeply fear-inhibited closet and for once be able to breathe fresh air and be who I really am (for me some of the time that's a miniskirt and heels wearing vixen who likes to go out dancing, drinking, showing off, and teasing the occasional admirer!).
It's never too late to begin removing the fear from your life and start living as your true self! It is only then that we as a society can do the same...
Combine this with the current American culture of over dependence on and attachment to physical possessions, abundance and mass media technologies, and you end up with a citizenry ripe to be ruled by fear. In turn, fear comes to be expressed as a shared group emotion rather than an individual one. It is in these times that civil liberties, individual expression and peace become endangered. A sort of "group-think" based on fear (and often then morphing into a perception of "us versus them" hatred) then arises.
Similar events occurred with the fall of the ancient Greek and Roman democratic institutions. Corruption, decadence, fear of losing those possessions and comforts, and political manipulation of these fears by individual monied interests resulted in a voluntary, systematic dismantling of the very democratic institutions their societies were built on. These first, great democratic institutions then evolved into autocratic and or dictatorial systems and which are embodied in the still popular histories of the Roman Emperors (after all, which would you rather read about – the exploits of mythic heroism and sacrifice in war or a recounting of the dry debates of a representative legislature).
And I guess that last bit feeds into another reasoning for our current situation: peace, democracy and the resulting slow pace of societal change are at root boring. We all have some residual violent instincts within us that must be fed every once in a while, like a dog that has to chew a bone to quell the instinctual desire to hunt and kill, whether through individual or collective action. And today here in the US, this collective hatred and intolerance is more and more of a social/cultural bent – i.e., the right-wing exclusionary drives to ban gay marriage, evolution and abortion (and anything else that isn't mentioned in the bible or the NRA handbook), the seemingly endless wars on terrorism and drugs, and the left-wing's outright hatred for Bush and co. (and I am solidly in on this latter one although I hope not as vehemently and as based in pure hatred as others!).
In this respect, I have some hope. History is cyclical and so this intense period of hatred and intolerance is due to go away eventually (and more quickly if everyone lends a hand to change our leadership!). It takes a collective effort to change things on such a grand scale and collective action begins with individual action, whether that takes the form of peaceful protests, volunteering, writing a letter to the editor, or just talking calmly and intelligently with those around you about these issues.
On a personal note: I see fear as such a massively pervasive factor in the transgender world. There are thousands and thousands of people out there living in such pure terror of expressing their true selves that in a sense they are really no longer living. I know, because until last year I was one of those people! I can't tell you how utterly freeing and exhilarating it is to walk out of such a deeply fear-inhibited closet and for once be able to breathe fresh air and be who I really am (for me some of the time that's a miniskirt and heels wearing vixen who likes to go out dancing, drinking, showing off, and teasing the occasional admirer!).
It's never too late to begin removing the fear from your life and start living as your true self! It is only then that we as a society can do the same...
Friday, July 09, 2004
Elections in Vegas?
What do you think would happen in this country if the 2004 election turned out just like 2000? There would most certainly be some kind of major major demonstrations - probably the largest this country has ever seen bar none - if not outright revolution. Think about it - the presidency won by a judicial decision/hijacked twice in a row! Perhaps I'm wrong - I hope I am. But you would certainly see me at the first peaceful protest - hopefully in a location and on a day or two warm enough to justify a tank top and mini!
Most certainly there will be a state contested as was Florida in 2000. I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't already Vegas odds on it, taken into account the same sorry state our voting technology, as well as collective attention spans, remain in.
I have to admit at this point, in the spirit of truth and openess, that I do have a bit of an Apocalyse fetish for some reason, and that may be clouding my vision. A background in ancient history with its epic stories of the rise and fall of civilizations, a bit of self-loathing and a desire for a blank slate perhaps, and my aforementioned distaste for authority (which, just by saying so here, according to a minor conspriracy side of myself, might land me on some watchlist), puts me of a general mind towards a taste of chaos.
Nevertheless, I fear/relish the thought that this coming election will be a pivotal historic moment whatever the outcome.
Most certainly there will be a state contested as was Florida in 2000. I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't already Vegas odds on it, taken into account the same sorry state our voting technology, as well as collective attention spans, remain in.
I have to admit at this point, in the spirit of truth and openess, that I do have a bit of an Apocalyse fetish for some reason, and that may be clouding my vision. A background in ancient history with its epic stories of the rise and fall of civilizations, a bit of self-loathing and a desire for a blank slate perhaps, and my aforementioned distaste for authority (which, just by saying so here, according to a minor conspriracy side of myself, might land me on some watchlist), puts me of a general mind towards a taste of chaos.
Nevertheless, I fear/relish the thought that this coming election will be a pivotal historic moment whatever the outcome.
Intolerence and the religious right: a match made in heaven?
Well, thought I'd start right out with some heavy political/social commentary! Has anyone ever noticed the intolerant mob mentality of the religious right? I mean, i know plenty of these sorts of individuals, and as such they always seem open-minded and somewhat tolerant when in conversation to me. However, these same people seem to have no misgivings about supporting the vitriolic froth coming out of the mouths of such intolerant luminaries as Jerry Falwell, Rick Santorum, Tom Delay, Dick Cheney and the rest. I just don't understand it!
My own theory is that many of these people just don't like to think for themselves. It gives them a headache or something, so they just latch onto the loudest messages out there and take them as their own without understanding the impact. Or perhaps many truly believe that allowing gays to marry or join the military will bring the end of civilization and that allowing legal immigrants into this country or giving money to any organization that even mentions abortion is somehow diminishing the values of this country (whatever they are!) - who knows?
I guess this argument goes right to the root of my own personal prejudices against authority and power in general and those of a specific religious belief especially, who think they are fundamentally better or more worthy of happiness and liberty than those who don't hold those same beliefs or have the same power...
My own theory is that many of these people just don't like to think for themselves. It gives them a headache or something, so they just latch onto the loudest messages out there and take them as their own without understanding the impact. Or perhaps many truly believe that allowing gays to marry or join the military will bring the end of civilization and that allowing legal immigrants into this country or giving money to any organization that even mentions abortion is somehow diminishing the values of this country (whatever they are!) - who knows?
I guess this argument goes right to the root of my own personal prejudices against authority and power in general and those of a specific religious belief especially, who think they are fundamentally better or more worthy of happiness and liberty than those who don't hold those same beliefs or have the same power...
Just getting started!
Ok. My first Blog! - not even sure if I know what I'm doing but this seems like an easy way to do some stream-of-consciousness ranting whenever I want and perhaps put down some actual coherent thoughts ocassionally as well. I hope to populate this thing with a mix of transgender, political and just plain fun issues as time progresses. Feel free to contribute/comment/rant about anything you like (as long as it isn't vulgar, commercial, or explicitly sexual!) if you've somehow stumbled across this little realm of insanity! Thanks.
Your humble host,
Dana
Your humble host,
Dana
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
