coughing up my left lung

I've been a little reticent to talk about myself and what has been going on in my life recently for several reasons: 1) I lead a very ho-hum existence filled to the brim with staring at computer screens, strumming the guitar, reading books and playing tug o'war with my canine roomie and 2) I simply have a hard time talking about myself. I think there is a sort of mental block in my noodle that grows in direct proportion to how happy and content I am at the time. Perhaps a part of me thinks that if I start talking about how happy and content I am, that I will somehow be punished for pride and vanity, and that happiness will go away. Well, today I say fuck that. I'm happy for the most part and I need to express it, gosh darn it!

Why am I so annoyingly happy you ask? That's hard to explain in words, but here are a couple of reasons off the top of my head:

• Warmer weather is here!!! Nothing is more effective at removing the slimy sheen of cold winter slothiness than some sixty degree temps, sunshine, chirping birds, singing grasshoppers and flowering krokus and lilies.
• I have a girlfriend, Jenn, who I am smitten with. We are still very early along in our relationship, but things are going fantastigorically and just saying her name brings a fuzzy warm feeling to my tummy and a smile to my face :-). Just before I met her, I had actually concretely come to the conclusion via lots of self-introspection and therapy that I am only attracted to women. Men, while some are very cute and (even more rarely) sincere and interesting, hold no interest romantically (or sexually) for me. For the first time in my life I am confident about my sexuality and ready to proclaim it to the world if need be. Long live Dana the les librarian! lol...
• I have made several friends recently, especially my bestest sista Aelis, who I trust and love fully and who I would give my left lung to if she needed it (and I think they would do the same for me). After losing my former best friend and often thinking that that situation was entirely my fault, I've come to the conclusion that the falling out was in fact an event that freed me from many of the bonds of my past self. It allowed me to look forward instead of back and allow others who see me for who I am now rather than who I was, into my heart.
• I am really enjoying my job for the most part, even though my recent request for a raise was declined for various bureaucratic reasons. This is a first for me this deep into gainful employment. In the past, I had always gotten fully sick with my job after 2 or 3 years, but this one seems like a keeper. The pay sucks, but the job itself is pretty cool. I get to basically make my own hours (as long as I put in 40 a week), I get to work on many of my own projects that even allow me a modicum of technical/artistic freedom, and I continue to expand my skills set to the point where I am confident in my ability to find a new job should anything happen (like the state going bankrupt or something).

So that's where I am these days. I just got back from a fun and adventurous weekend in NYC and I will post some pics and description from it hopefully in the next day or two. Harmony out,

Dana