Friday, October 22, 2004

Vanity: a t-girl's best or worst friend?

Why do we t-girls (and many non-t's as well) like looking at ourselves and paying so much attention to how we look, so much? For myself, I think it is a love of the female form in general, and also a symptom of my elevated self-confidence when dressed. And also, from the t-girl perspective, I have lived my whole life with one set of looks and so when I dress and take on a completely different set of looks, its like a taste of freedom - I keep wanting more.

Do I probably pay too much attention to such an ephemeral thing as outward appearance? No doubt. Oh well, we have to pay attention to something, don't we? So why not look good doing it?!

I also get this general sense from some boys who I chat with that they view anyone like me that dresses so completely and sexily as a woman as primarily driven by a need to attract men. While perhaps that does play a part (it is a basic sense of validation as a woman afterall), it is not the driving factor. They seem shocked (and actually not convinced) that I am only attracted to women sexually. Why is that? Is a lesbian who dresses sexy really trying to attract a man? I would argue they are just being who they want to be, regardless of sexual orientation. Just because the social norm says that sexy female appearance (a) = panting men (b), that does not mean that the root of a is caused by b. I want a woman who is attracted to my male and female sides - one who herslef looks good, but who can also look past appearance and get to know me as a person. Is that asking too much?

But then again, I do have a bit of sexual confusion/ambiguity at this juncture in my life, as I consider going further into womanhood. Am I attracted to men?: Not as a rule. Might that change as I delve further into womanhood and meet the right person? I don't know, it's certainly not out of the question. I tend to look more at character, personality, rather than gender. While I certainly like good-lloking people more, I try not to dismiss people based on their looks.

My basic argument is that we shouldn't be bogged down by sexual labels. I will base any relationship, whether sexual or not, on my rapport with the individual. Looks will always play a part, but will not direct all actions. In some ways my t-girl vanity, my heightened sense of self, is a part of who I am, but it does not define me in any source way. I would prefer to be known as that great looking babe who has a sense of humbleness and humor... :-)

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