debt suey

holymutherfuckinggoddamnshit! I received a check in the mail the other day from my health insurer for $14,000 dollars and some loose change! I knew they had said they would cover the cost of the surgery, but I still had my doubts as to how many hoops and months of waiting they'd make me jump through to get reimbursed.

Luckily I had done my homework and had lined up all my document ducks in a row, and so about 6 weeks after sending them my claim with all supporting documentation, they sent me back a check for all but two grand of the total. I do not begrudge that out-of-pocket $2,000 expense - in fact I welcome it - it gives me a little more sense of accomplishment. I'm the one who did this. I made it all happen and it feels fucking good.

Of course, that money will only be sitting in my bank account for a few days since it has to go immediately to paying back that portion of the cost my parents fronted me, as well as the portion I borrowed more formally with interest attached. Not to mention paying down the high credit card debt I ran up in trying to stash away cash for this monstrous expense.

I'm still shocked everything went so smoothly and as planned. In some ways it all feels like a dream that I still haven't woken up from. I sometimes feel a fleeting sense of guilt in those quiet moments. What did I do to deserve all this while so many t-girls and t-men are struggling just to survive? These waves of guilt are only temporary, but they linger around me during my recurring swings of mild depression like the scent of overripe chopped onions on the tips of my knife wielding hands...