questions about geo-metro-country acculturation

Jenn and I have been talking about (and taking actions to realize) living in the same city and actually living together. We've discussed this extensively, and I've also talked about it with my therapist and my friends and I can't see any tangible downside. We miss each other so goddamn much when we are apart and we fit together so perfectly and comfortably when we are together. Cohabitating would seem to be the next logical step and it would certainly help us both financially as well. This is in addition to the fact that both of us have at least sometimes felt the desire to change our work environs.

While I love my job and know it will be hard to replicate the great aspects of it elsewhere, there simply is little administrative support for the librarians - we are treated like 2nd class citizens in many ways - our pay scale is atrocious and there is little room for advancement. My boss isn't going anywhere and so there is no where for me to go professionally. Of course it almost goes without saying that starting a new job where my co-workers only know me as a woman is very appealing too. There is also the issue of my house. Were I to move south, I would have to either sell or rent out my house.

Then there is the issue of geography. While I love the countryside, I find myself more and more craving the diversity of experiences and entertainment options of city life. Can I adapt back to all-paved environs and bars on the windows? Can Jenn be happy up here in the boonies, with the bugs and no Broadway? She is originally a Maine girl, so it's nothing she hasn't experienced before, but she is also a city girl at heart and being up here would limit her ability to partake in some of her favorite activities, like the Hedwig shadowcast troupe and going to Broadway plays. On the other hand, I sense that she is sick of the cramped and dirty living and the roaches and the noisy neighbors hanging out on the stoop outside her window until all hours of the night. She isn't really an outdoorsy girl, but I think I can show her, over time, some of the beauty and peace you encounter when communing with nature in the right way; she has already shown me lots of the hidden beauty of the city.

So in the effort to be together, Jenn has been applying to hospital dietician jobs up here and I have been applying to library jobs in the NYC metro area. I still hope to hear about the one perfect job I applied for and Jenn actually has an interview up here very soon. Things, as usual are moving rapidly and in slow-motion at the same time. I want her here sleeping beside me every night right now, but I also realize that living together is a big step and should not be rushed. Jenn has never done so, and my one excursion down the cohabitation road quickly devolved into unmitigated disaster years ago. So while I am completely confident that this will work out, there is that fear lingering in the very back of my mind sometimes that what happened to my past relationship (coincidently with a girl also named Jenn) so many years ago might happen again. But then I realize I am a completely different person and the circumstances are different. I am more mature and confident and more in touch with what I want in life. Money is not so much a dominant and divisive factor and the secret of my gender no longer poses a barrier. And most importantly perhaps, this relationship feels stronger and far more solid to me than all my past relationships put together.

No matter where we end up geographically, I feel we can achieve a satisfying balance together, through roadtrips and creativity, between those desirable parts of the countryside and those of the city. Things are really starting to gel and hopefully I will soon be spending each night cuddling with the woman I love more than anything in this world. And that, my friends, can never be a bad thing...