I watched a very excellent and entertaining movie/musical this week with a lead character who was trans, called 20 Centimeters. But one thing bothered me about it. While it grimly shows the hard life of the troubled, down-trodden, narcoleptic, prostitute lead, Marietta, and her resilience (as well as occasional retreat into the whimsical dreams of musical), it also ends with her getting gender reassignment surgery, and closes with a stereotypical "living happily ever after" vibe.
In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with this kind of ending, and in fact most times I, like most, prefer a happy ending. However, in my opinion, this kind of ending, mirrored in one of the most mainstream trans movies in recent years, Transamerica (another great film btw, but it has the same sort of storybook ending) can have a cumulatively negative effect upon our own community. Namely, it promotes the patently false idea that getting GRS is the end-all-be-all of our existence and that getting it will solve all our problems; resolve all our self-esteem issues; get rid of all our depression.
This point of view seems to be held by more than a fair share of sisters in the community as well for some reason. Perhaps it's like any other seemingly unattainable goal, like getting rich or becoming famous or becoming president: why dwell on any possible negative consequences when it's just a fantasy - it won't happen anyways?! I can understand that. It probably hasn't been helped by the fact that not many post-ops tell their stories beyond the immediate surgical aftermath, when the newness of our new plumbing has us still on cloud nine and we haven't yet had to return to reality. Beyond that initial post-op phase, perhaps many rightfully prefer to drift into regular life and leave their past behind. We want to blend back into society and e "normal." I can understand that, too.
But what I can't understand is why some sisters who have congratulated me afterwards think all my dreams and hopes have been met and that life has now suddenly become easy. Yes - the surgery was a huge, huge goal of mine and I feel better, more in balance for it. It was one of the best decisions in my life. But I can tell you straight up that it didn't solve any of the non-physical problems I went into it with. I still get depressed sometimes and have self-doubts and am self-conscious about my boyish figure. I still on occasion obsess about my tiny breasts and straight hips and overly large arms and excessive body hair, and extra ribs and large hands. I still have social phobia issues and eating issues and I still yell into my windshield at the cars in front of me on the road whose drivers flick their still-lit cigarette butts carelessly out the window and on and on...
The point being that anyone who goes into gender reassignment surgery thinking that once it's complete all the hurt and self-image and social-acceptance issues will magically go away is deluding themselves. But please, don't get me wrong. Surgery isn't just pain and time-consuming post-op maintenance procedures. It did have a major positive impact on my life, but not as much in the straight-forward mental and physical realms as I was thinking going in. I think the overall effect is far for intangible than that. Sort of like looking at the same detailed Dali painting twice but the second time sensing somehow that something subtle in the total ambiance of the details shown has been changed. However, you can't grasp exactly what has changed. You just know the second version is slightly less insane than the first.
I think a movie or documentary that explores the struggles of the post-op phase of transgenderism in the longer-term, if done honestly and thoughtfully, could be just as uplifting and poignant and relevant and entertaining as Transamerica or Transgeneration was. There is probably a good book or two covering this topic out there, but I don't know any titles off-hand. If you do, please post details on here!
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3 comments:
I read a while back, but could not find just now, that the producer of HBO's "Six Feet Under" is working on a show with the same name. I did not know it was a movie. The article did say what the "20 Centimeters" meant. LOL
Vickie
PS. I had lost track of you, I am glad I found you again. V
We have the same number of ribs as a genetic woman hon :) And for me, being post op, over a year and months later, I couldnt be happier. For me, the pipe dream was real.
Rhi,
You are absolutely correct about the rib thing - thanks for pointing that out - I had blindingly bought into the christian myth of adam and eve and the extra rib (and me an avowed athiest - shame on me!).
As to the rest, my point was that these movies tend to over-simplify the post-op phase of life and make it seem to the casual observer that because of our new genitals, we all live happily ever after as members of our identified gender, without ever having to think about our gender again.
Certainly, as I make clear in this and many other posts, my surgery was a gift from the gods and has gone a long way in resolving some of my gender identity issues, but I'm highly suspect if someone tells me that their surgery suddenly resolved all of their gender issues completely - gender identity is far more than genitalia. If you are indeed living a trouble and problem-free life in your identified gender, I congratulate you - but I believe most of us post-op still have some gender issues to work through - it's in some ways a life-long process because it's part of our whole identity as a human, which to my mind we are constantly evolving and adjusting and coming to terms with as we age and gain experience and enter different phases of our lives. But then again, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong...
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