casting the first stone..er, I mean ballot

Our hero awakened with a start to the blaring sound of the Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting from her radio alarm. She showered, walked the pooch, and hastily donned her corset, crinolines, bell-shaped skirt, lace up boots, gloves and bonnet in preparation for casting a vote in the local magisterial races. The colonial governor was in a heated race for one of those revolutionary rebels who were calling for democracy and freedom from tyranny and our protagonist favored the plucky rebel simply because he wasn't quite as corrupt or venile as his Tory opponent.

That's how I felt once I opened that curtain at 6:30 am to discover that, just like 2 years ago, our precinct was still using voting machinery that was invented in the 19th century! Yes, the venerable pull-lever system was being employed, and it's set-up was jury-rigged in all kinds of creative ways. Not only we the levers not correctly aligned with the offices listed at the top, but the Republican candidate was listed first in every instance. Adding to the confusion was the bizarre practice of the same candidate being listed 2 or 3 times for the same race. When I chose the independent candidate, was that somehow counted differently than if I had chosen the same name under the Democratic moniker above it? I wish I had the foresight to bring my camera and take a picture of that monstrosity, but maybe these pics will give those of you whose counties have moved on to the advanced (but probably not more accurate) technologies of punch cards and beyond:

It looks so clean and clear cut in the idealized picture above, doesn't it? I guess those robber barons at least knew how to run a smoothly fixed election while at least still giving the appearance of logical ballot organization. As it was, I think I was able to successfully choose from 3 Green candidates from among the 9 races (the Green candidates were listed 7th from the top, below even several parties (Independence, Conservative, Working Families) that were filled with duplicate repub or dem names). I stuck with the dems for the rest. This picture is more like what our machine looked like - dozens of levers placed mere centimeters apart and having no correlation to the labels denoting which race it was for above them:

My only consolation was that I got to the polls early and so had no wait at all. I did not have to show ID, but just had to sign a book and then vote. I went to all the trouble of bringing my passport and name change document just in case some bastard repub poll watcher challenged me. All told, it took about 5 minutes, counting the time it took me to park, walk in, sign in, decipher the machine setup and carefully pull what I thought were the correct levers. I can only hope my votes were recorded accurately.

Now we wait and see if all the fears (which I share) about widespread voter suppression and easily tampered with electronic machines turns the probable (dems winning at least the house and probably also the senate) into the impossible (the repubs holding on to both houses of congress). Ahhhh, ain't one-party autocracy, errr, I mean democracy a peach?