post-surgical post-it notes to pre-self

1. Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate!
2. Invest in a top-quality, realistic strap-on dildo - both for post-recovery period dilation purposes and for our exploration - any recommendations people?
3. Get a double-ended dildo for double the pleasure!
4. Find a decent gynecologist with experience in ts physiology
5. Ritually burn last pile of shitty male clothes
6. Give parents and gf giants hugs for their endless support and love

As my date with the scalpel gets closer, I find myself thinking more and more about what happens after I wake up from the anesthesia and have to live my life free of the last physical vestiges of my old, unwanted self. Basically, my post-surgical life is a giant, black-hole unknown. I know I'll still have a job I enjoy for the most part, a beautiful, loving girlfriend, and loving family and friends. But that's about all I'm sure of.

The biggest question mark for me is how this final physical change will affect my sexual relationship with Jenn. Right now, while the sex is sensual and gratifying and effective, I think it's sort of in a holding pattern. Let's face it, I don't quite have the right plumbing to snugly fit into the world of lesbian sex and we sometimes find ourselves having to do work arounds or stop at the edge of some regions of exploration that just aren't physically possible. She is somewhat uncomfortable with my thingy to begin with and I am not entirely comfortable using it in our sexcapades either. For now, while we do our best to work with what we have, sometimes that aspect isn't as satisfying to me as I know it can be once I have the physical tools that my psyche knows I should have.

The problem is that I have little idea of what to expect sensation-wise. While I believe I've had a taste of extended female-like orgasms a couple times in the past, instigated by lengthy and extensive all-over body touching and kissing and sucking, I have no idea how close to vaginal orgasm they were. My past experiences were low-level prickly-intense and lasted several minutes, each time sending my body into enjoyable shutters, shakes and perma-smiles. But that experience has been hard to reproduce and I suspect but a pale shadow of the real thing.

I worry a little about the real possibility of decreased sensation down south, although it must be said that the sensation level on my outtie for the past several years or so has been low anyways. Besides, I'm not one to fret about factors I have no control over.

Jenn has expressed her fear that somehow getting a vagina will suddenly turn me into a man-hungry nympho - but I have assured her that has zero chance of coming to fruition. Of course, I didn't help my stance by wondering out loud to her one night what it might be like to bring a live dick into our bed for one night - to be shared by both of us, of course. Needless to say, those purely theoretical thoughts outside the box (lol) did not go over well with mi amor. In reality, I've done my (failed failed failed!) experimenting with men and I never want to go back there.

I think every woman about to undergo this surgery goes through a similar process of soul searching. We've jumped through endless legal and medical hoops and survived ostracization and ridicule and the all-encompassing fears of rejection and now, at the very precipice of final closure, we find out that this final step isn't really a final step at all. There is still a wide, wondrous world out there to explore and experience and live free from the confines of society's gender-bondage...