Been busy with lots of work and personal stuff lately, but here's a summary of where my mind's at presently.
Personal stuff:
Just got back from a trip out out western NY; Syracuse for work stuff and Brockport for a library conference. The SUNY Brockport campus is very nice. Next I'm off to Mormon country (Salt Lake City) on Wednesday for another library conference. Gotta get some more travel conditioner!
Politics:
HC just keeps showing her true, do-anything-to-get-elected mentality as time goes on and my choice to support Obama seems more and more right to me. Despite his statements being taken way out of context and blown waaaayyyy out of proportion, he's managed to stay calm and collected and sort of above the fray (as much as you can be at this level of politics. You know Obama is the right choice when the GOP starts doing everything in their dirty playbook to get Hilary the nomination.
Trans stuff:
I think I'm finally getting to a point at work where I don't have to think about people reacting adversely to my gender expression. Certainly I think most know I'm trans at this point, but I don't think many care. I do my job and do it well.
On the other hand, I think it does hinder things socially for me. I am not accepted into male spaces, such as joining football pools or discussing sports, nor in most blended environments such as going out for beers, etc., and I'm not fully accepted into female spaces either. I think there is an unconscious, culturally-driven perception of us as coming from male privilege and intruding into spaces where our presence makes people feel uncomfortable.
I'm not saying these things are conscious in most, nor do all exhibit them. But I do feel that when I walk into a social situation people tend to get more quiet and or defensive. I think it may have something to do with not knowing how to address me. And since pronouns are so heavily relied on in our language, not knowing can be a real conversation killer.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense or is just a projection of my own lingering insecurities and communication shortcomings, but it's how I feel sometimes. But things are getting better, just far more slowly than I can stand sometimes.
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2 comments:
That last bit really spoke to me this morning. Through my transition I have found varying degrees of inclusion at work. For the most part everyone at the library knows, but can't quite figure out the pronoun (or the box!) to put me in. As an FTM, it is a bit different (especially since it is a small library) and there aren't any guys around. I too feel that when I walk into a social situation people tend to get more quiet and or defensive. Some days it gets to me more than other days. Anyway - I am always glad to read your blog. Thank you.
Hi Kieran,
Thanks for your thoughts. Always great to hear from another in the library world. The social thing and breaking through people's instinctive barriers to dealing with those different than themselves (and unknown beyond bad media stereotypes) on an equal footing is always an uphill battle and that battle tires me out quickly most of the time. It doesn't help that I have social phobia issues on top of that! Peace and keep in touch! Peace,
Dana
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