This heathen's faith

Unfortunately I think the concept of "faith" brings with it a whole lot of baggage and falsely implied religious connotations in today's world. We are so deeply schizophrenic about religion and self-worth as individuals, as social groups, and even as a nation, that separating "faith" from religious belief almost seems impossible.

But let's get something straight: religions DO NOT have a monopoly on this concept. The word itself is derived from the Latin (coined long before JC was born, btw) fides, which referred to trust (in anything). And no, this entry is not about the right wings' hijacking of the Christian faith. That coup d'etat was only a victory over one group's understanding of the word (to the detriment of that group: Christians). The truth is that some movement or faction (usually a radical one) within every organized religion throughout history has periodically hijacked "faith" and instilled it with their own distorted, usually exclusionary meaning; for their own power and gain.

What I want to rant about today is secular faith in yourself. As I mentioned above, faith at its root = trust. To me that is the crux of the whole thing. I have talked many times before about self-confidence, which I also believe is deeply connected to faith and trust. From my view, these traits are sorely lacking in a large percentage of the closeted transgender population. But here is my simple mantra:

trusting in yourself = confidence in your instincts and decisions = faith that you can identify and realize your goals

Now I don't want to get all touchy-feely and puffed up with self-help mumbo-jumbo here, but how does the statement above apply to me and you? They're just fucking words, right? Well, fear, compulsion, depression, hate, alienation, etc. are all just words too. It's how you live (or ignore) these concepts that matter...

Perhaps a sound strategy might be to start small, start with a single word, trust (or whatever word you identify as a positive one) and examine how it applies to you and slowly build from there. Positive change usually only comes with self-reflection and focus. Are there reasons you don't trust your own judgement? Are those reasons correctable? Everyone makes mistakes in judgement, but can you learn from those mistakes or do you only look at the past in regret and shame? Are there possible steps you might take to change these thought patterns?

I don't have the answers for any of this (because I believe every one's answers are different), but for me at least, change began with asking honest questions of myself, especially those where I feared what the answer might be (for example, "am I gay?" or "why am I drinking so much?"). We transgendereds are often prone to lying to and hiding from both ourselves and those around us (a typical symptom of keeping a dark secret for any lengthy period of time). If at all possible, talk through these things with a professional therapist or a trusted friend - getting another perspective is never a bad thing.

Concentrate/meditate/cogitate on truth and trust within yourself and you may just find that you do indeed have a little faith...